


Saudade

by BitterShadow96



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angster, Angstest, Bawling Angst, More angst, Multi, Some Moooore Angst, Yodelling Angst, hardcore angst, lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-08 02:51:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11637396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterShadow96/pseuds/BitterShadow96
Summary: "A story about that one great love full of what if's and regrets. Two people who are meant to fall in love with each other, but is never meant to be together."----"I should've told you what you meant to me...."But when I finally realize it was too late, too late that all I can do is stop and regret............ regret everything, every single thing I did! It hurts............. it hurts so fuckin bad, but I guess this is my punishment for taking you for granted. I was scared, so scared I run.............. I run and hide. It was stupid but what can I do? You love me so much, and Im scared........ so scared I chose to broke your heart. -Lee Jihoon





	Saudade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A story about that one great love full of what if's and regrets. Two people who are meant to fall in love with each other, but is never meant to be together."
> 
>  
> 
> \----
> 
>  
> 
> "I should've told you what you meant to me...."
> 
> But when I finally realize it was too late, too late that all I can do is stop and regret............ regret everything, every single thing I did! It hurts............. it hurts so fuckin bad, but I guess this is my punishment for taking you for granted. I was scared, so scared I run.............. I run and hide. It was stupid but what can I do? You love me so much, and Im scared........ so scared I chose to broke your heart. -Lee Jihoon

How many miracles  
Must have come together  
For us to meet like this?  
-Aiba Masaki, “Friendship”

 

.... People always ask me, "Do you still love him?", honestly, I don't really know. But I do know that there's just something about him I can't let go.

 

\--------------

 

"....sighhhh."

Jihoon sighed, as if the world just crashed over him and as if he just failed the entire human raise. He have never sighed so loud and long before until a few seconds ago. Sitting flat in a green grass under a huge tree, crossing his feet while feeling the cold gentle breeze freely caressing his cheeks, Jihoon finally finds an enormous amount of peace enough to make him feel light and calm after a long and tiring week. The midsummer air feels so comforting beneath his bare skin. The fresh and vibrant colours of the sky is making his eyes full, birds chirping and flying while they play along with each other. The sun is almost setting down. It was unsually silent. The street in front of the yard where it's usually loud, filled with both noises coming from the vehicles passing by and the childrens loud voices and laughter as they cheerfully run to play. He craddles by his thighs, memories began to flash before his eyes, it's happening again, it's one of those days when Jihoon is being haunted by the past, memories that he both cherish and regret to have.

Despite the sudden waves of memories that crashed in, his face still holds a calm expression as he stares into the clear blue sky and a thousand and one stories of days gone by write themselves over and over and over again on the pages in his mind.

It's been a while since Jihoon was left alone to spend time by himself. It's been a while since he felt this over whelming kind of comfort given by the loud screaming silence occupying the spacious front yard. Usually he's busy meeting with different people and talking to a lot of investors and business partners, most of the time he's with his kids but I guess not today. It was just an ordinary day but Jihoon can't seem to point out why he's suddenly feeling so tired, out of energy and demotivated. It's been a while since....

"Dadaaaa!" a high pitched voice resonates from the far distance snatching Jihoon's attention and snapping him back from reality.

"Dada, someone's looking for you!" the younger excitedly announced. He simply smiled back at the jumping little girl that is a human embodiment of a bright sunshine. Jihoon can't help but to cup the younger's face and give her cheek a soft peck.

"Someone's looking for me? Who is it?" Jihoon curiously asked.

Someone's looking for him? Its almost 4pm in the afternoon and he doesn't remember having any meeting today. Is it Jeonghan? But he can't recall having any scheduled engagement today? His bestfriend doesnt even mention anything about a visit or something. Or they have and it probably just slipped off his mind again.

"Daydreaming?" A voice asked from behind. Jihoon turned to the owner of the clear smooth voice from the distance. A familiar face greeted him with a soft smile planted on his face. It's so familiar that it feels like he went back and travel years back to his childhood. He once again look at his companions face, trying to recall something but Jihoon can't seem to point out what specifically it is that he's trying to remember. He didn't reply instead he simply shrugged and turn back to Jewel to tell her to come back inside and play.

"You go back inside Jewel, thank you sweetie for leading Dada's visitor in, you go inside and play with Mina and Eddie." he lovingly whisper on the younger's ear before he let the sweet child go.

"Why are you out here? Got off the office early? Not much work to do in the shelter?" His companion once again asked.

"Nah, I went home early. I don't know if it's just the weather but I suddenly feel stuffy. It must've been just my deteriorating stamina." he slightly laugh. "I'm not getting any younger you know." Jihoon then added.

"That's why I keep telling you to just let Chan take over. We both know that your brother is better than you when it comes to handling the shelter, plus the kid has an unbelievable stamina and energy than you. He's always been the one though." his companion jokes.

"Chan is not a kid anymore for goodness sake, why do you still see him as the 4 year old Michael Jackson loving kid who sings and dance to Billie Jean non stop in the middle of our old house's living room. And stop emphasizing my age, you old and useless underling. I already know. Very much aware more than you think I am." Jihoon agressively replied.

The clouds in the sky are moving harmoniously. The soft white fluffy thing above them move as if they're listening and hanging out with them as well. It was so satisfying to look how they move with leisure and peace. He was once again drawn in. The bright sunshine is passing through the fluffy thing as it hits the ground. Nature is indeed so magical.

"You want to hear a story?" He then asked his companion as soon as he face him again.

"Story?" he laughs. "Story about what?" his companion then seriously replied.

Jihoon took a short deep breath, he then smiled while he reaches the dry leaves that must've fallen from the tree where they're currently sitting.

"Story about "The One that got away." he softly answered as he smile and look down in the ground. "A story about that one great love full of what if's and regrets. Two people who are meant to fall in love with each other, but is never meant to be together." Jihoon added.

"Isn't it too early for that?" his companion jokingly asked. "Can we just reserve that for the night over a cold beer?" his companion jokes as he continue to tease him with that knowing look.

"You useless underling. You never changed!" Jihoon rolled his eyes.

"Go on." his companion replied while he slowly move closer to sit beside him.

"I thought you're not interested?" Jihoon shrugged.

"Go on, ofcourse I'll listen. You're the one to talk old man, you didn't even changed, not even one bit. You're still the same old impatient high schooler back in the days. You snap so fast, a cheap colored rubber band doesn't even stand a chance!" his companion jokingly exclaimed.

"Why did I even asked." Jihoon shakes his head with a faint smirk on his face.

"So when this one great love start?" he then asked with full awareness knowing that he have heard this "One great love" story of "The One That Got Away" and "The One who let his One got away" a thousand times before.

"Once upon a time when the winter snow is just starting to fall down...."

His companion burst out with a smile. "What a way to open a story with a very cringy and cliche start." his companion teases him.

"I told you to stop being an idiot, you silly underling!" Jihoon playfully glare at his companions teasing look.

His companion laugh again while shaking his head in disbelief. "Lee Jung Jihoon, you really haven't change, not even one bit it's really fascinating to see. You're still the same. The same old man from my life before. His companion added with a slight pained smile as he brush all the dried leaves that got stuck on his thighs away.

 

\--------------

 

That day, just like any other ordinary day was as boring and tiring for Jihoon before it even started as he was dragged out of the house as soon as their winter break starts.  
It was his parents idea to go to the shelther first thing in the morning to help and give a hand instead of rolling himself in a thick blanket all day long while reading all those thick ass books he can't even remember how many times he've red before and with an occasional video gaming on the side once he's tired reading and laying down in the bed. Jihoon originally plan to stay inside the first day of his winter vacation and just ditch the outside world as he was so tired dealing with humans all day and all night, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. But then his parents decided to ruin his perfect plan. But what can he do? His mom threaten him to take away the new play station set his dad just got him the other day and he can't let that happen.

Jihoon sat inside the car silently as he close his eyes to pretend that he's sleeping so that his mom won't bother him about playing a piano piece for the people in the shelther again.

"Jihoon sweetie you're not forgeting what I asked you the other day right?" his mom asked as soon as she enter the car.

Jihoon shut his eyes tight without replying.

"Hey are you trying to avoid and ignore me? Sweetie come on, a lot of people in the shelther has been asking me about it, and giving them a short and simple performance won't hurt you know. I mean sweetie you play amazing pieces and you know how much I love it when you play, don't you?" His mom continously muster as she gesture her way to convince Jihoon to play.

"Mom I told you Im not playing." Jihoon answered without even bothering to look at her mom.

"But why not? You play well, why don't you believe me?" his mom's tone is a bit shaky as she face Jihoon at the back seat.

It's been exactly 3 days since his mom have asked him about the small piano performance in the shelther and Jihoon has been avoiding the topic ever since. He knows how persistent his mom can get. And he's very much aware that him simply rejecting her request won't make her stop from asking him to play, and that stresses Jihoon more. "What a way to start my winter break, really!" he sarcastically whispers to himself while he lay on his side, arms crossed, eyes still shut tight. It's not that Jihoon doesn't want to play for the people in the shelter, it's just that he thinks that it's really uncomfortable to play in front of a lot of people while he doesn't even know whether they're pleased to see and hear Jihoon play or not. And besides he already quit piano and anything that relates to music more than 2 years ago so he doesn't really find the need and a reason to suddenly go back when by simply seeing a piano or even just a mare piece music sheet makes him mad and squiver.

"Why are you so persistent? Mom you know that I quit playing piano more than 2 years ago. Let's just quietly get through this car ride. Ill already agree to give a hand, isn't that enough!" Jihoon's voice slightly raise as he sit up to answer his mom.

"You don't have to shout at your mom Jihoon, aren't you being too rude now?!" his Dad suddenly exclaimed.

Jihoon looked down with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry!" he shortly reply as he lay back on his seat.

"It's been 2 years sweetie. Aren't you holding on to the past way too much. And besides people in the shelther just genuinely want to hear you play, they will not reject you nor criticize you, if that's what you're scared of sweetie." his mom continues.

Jihoon didn't answer instead he put his earphones back on as he shut his eyes once again and avoid the topic.

It was the longest an hour and half car ride in Jihoon's entire life. Probably the most stressful and tiring one as well. He help his dad unload all the stuff they brought in the back compartment of their car. He's back again in this place, the shelter used to be one of the most fun and exciting place for him. Jihoon can still remember how much he'll bug his mom to bring him along with her in the shelter. He loves to play piano for the people here and play with bunch of nice kids in the front yard. He "used" to, not anymore.

"Is this place alright for these stuff dad?" He faces his father to ask.

"Yeah, that's alright!" his father replied. "Tell the helpers to pick up all these stuff we got for the study room, and help them organized it inside." his father then added.

Jihoon did as his father asked him to. He called the helpers out and instruct them to get all the remaining boxes inside the back compartment of their car and bring it all inside the study room and organize all the books and other stuff accordingly. After more than an hour of working inside the study room, he then check and ask his father if there's anything more he can help with. Luckily almost everything is set up and they're basically done sorting, arranging and fixing stuff. So he decided to step out in the front yard to get some air, it was winter but surprisingly the weather feels just right and not as cold as he expected it to be! It was just perfect for him to get some alone time that he's been craving for ever since he woke up that day. There was a huge tree standing in the left side corner of the spacious front yard, which is just a perfect spot for him to sit and feel the cold breeze of the winter and appreciate the beauty of winter sky. 

"Daydreaming?" someone suddenly exclaimed, making Jihoon jump on his seat.

"Jesus Christ! What are you a ghost?" Jihoon half shouted half cried. "You scared me kid. What the heck. How did you get here, I didnt even noticed you. I almost got a heart attack. Goodness gracious!" he continously added.

"How will you even notice me when you're too occupied with your own thoughts while looking up in the sky." the boy beside him explained.

"That still doesn't answer my question kid. How did you get here without being noticed?"

"I already answered you though. I said I didn't do anything special or crazy, I just walk here, I walk just like how a normal person with a perectly normal set of feet will do when I saw you walk out of the shelter and sit under this tree. Jihoon you're just too busy to notice that's why." the boy said while laughing.

"How did you know my name?" Jihoon asked in a surprise tone.

"How will I not? Hello? You're the son of Auntie Cherry and Uncle Moon, the chairman and chairwoman who owns the place where I used to live." the boy answered his question as if it's the most ridiculous question he ever answered in his entire life.

"The place where you used to love? You used to live here?" he added, still surprised.

"Hahaha. I get it, you don't know me. Yeah how would you when you rarely come here. You stopped years ago so you probably forgot that we used to be playmates here." the boy said reluctantly.

"I used to play with you? Now that's wierd, I can't really remember playing with you back when I was still small." Jihoon is now facing the boy.

"Soonyoung, Kwon Soonyoung although my parents called me Hoshi now. Auntie Cherry and Uncle Moon saved me and took me in the shelter 8 years ago. I used to live here and we used to play piano inside the music room for everyone, because they said they love watching us play." the boy introduced himself while extends his hand to him.

Jihoon stares at the boy mouth gaping in awe. "We used to p..pl..play piano inside the music room?" Jihoon stutters.

"I'm not really expecting you to remember though. Since it's been what? 4? 5 years ago?" he replied.

"It's fascinating to hear that. To be very honest, I can't really remember it clearly but yeah, it's really fascinating to hear that now." Jihoon said.

"Yeah, it's really fascinating. Looking how much we've grown, we're not kids anymore. But hey I heard you quit playing the piano now. Too bad, I've practiced a piece that we usually play before. I thought we could play again like the old times but I guess not anymore." Soonyoung added with a disappointed expression.

Jihoon can't take away his eyes off of this boy named Soonyoung, he's still fascinated by the fact that they used to be friends before and that they even play pinao, and he even said that everyone loves it. He can't really imagine but just the thought of him missed being a kid. He missed playing the piano and the feeling of happiness everytime he's playing it. He missed his younger brother. But more than anything, he miss his old self.

"What piece do we usually play before again?" Jihoon suddenly asked.

"Why? Are you going to play it again with me? Soonyoung excitedly asked. It's "George Winston's version of canon". We love playing it. In fact you always bug me to play it together before. Do you remember?" Soonyoung is now standing while slightly jumping in place from too much excitement.

"George Winston's version of canon?" Jihoon whispers to himself. "I remember that it was the last piece I played before I quit 2 years ago. It was unfamiliar but familiar at the same time. I think at some point it was my favorite piece to use in a piano competition before." Jihoon is now looking up to Soonyoung with a blank expression.

"Really? See! Hey! Come on let's try and play that piece again, I miss playing it, and besides aren't you curious if we can still remember everything despite the fact that it's been years since we last did." Soonyoung is still overly excited.

Jihoon is still staring at the boy who is now standing in front of him. It's wierd that no matter how much the boy appears and sound annoying he's surprisingly not to Jihoon. The familiar feel when he's around him makes him curious and he's now even more curious because of everything this boy named Soonyoung just told him.

 

\----

"So did you agreed to play with the strange and overly excited boy that day?" 

Jihoon grinned as he heard the question. He shook his right foot slowly, shaking off the dried leaves that stuck onto it. His companion is now squatted beside him, holding a small stone trying to write something on the ground. The sky calmly reflects the yawning afternoon sun and the serenity surface looks like it’s studded with several hidden diamonds.

“I think I did,” Jihoon answered the question. “And I think that's where everything started, my memory tells me.”

“So what makes you agree and play the piano again?”

“I don't know? Maybe for what I can remember, I got curious. I don't know. I really can't figure out why until today.” he turned sideways to face his companion. "I got sucked in right away because of curiosity. I guess the saying is true that, curiousity kills the cat." Jihoon laugh. 

"So you now admit that you're a human embodiment of a cat? his companion teases.

"Shut up, you silly underling." Jihoon shut his companion up.

"So how did it go? Did the boy open something inside you? Something that started a spark to change you and make you happy again? His companion suddenly asked in a rather serious tone but who is now smiling before him.

Jihoon looked confused for a second before the meaning of the question fully came to him. The wrinkled sides of his eyes crinkled as a huge smile appeared on his face. He turned his gaze a little and found his companion looking up at him with an equally huge and bright smile.  
“The one great love I started talking about?” the man asked and his companion nodded. “I thought it’s already obvious,” he remarked, closing his eyes and smiling wider as memories play in a blurred film beneath his lashes.

His companion shrugged and continued drawing weird shapes on the ground.  
“Humor me,” he said. His voice trembled slightly before taking a slight melancholy tone that didn’t quite fit well with the bright, golden colors of the earth at that moment. “I want to hear it once more.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! BitterShadow here. (^_^)v
> 
> So yeah, this is just a dip of what I've been trying to write for more than a month ago!  
> It started a week before Diamond Edge ticket selling here in my country, amidst all of the SOONHOON stuff that happen and is still going on right now.  
> And with the help of my ever gorgeous and supportive friend, (sweetie you know who you are, and I love you so much)   
>  "saʊˈdɑːdə" finally materialized into something which is what you just read a minute ago. hahaha
> 
> It's a really short chapter but hopefully I can post the 2nd one as soon as Im able.  
> And I really do hope to hear what you guys think about the fic and what you think will happen next.  
> (To be honest with yall, this is an open plot kind of fic and your output will definitely help me a lot building up a more solid plot along with what I already have on my plate right now. Looking forward to hear from you guys.)
> 
> I hope you atleast enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Thank you so much.  
> Have a great day.  
> And dont forget to DO YOU GORGEOUS! (^3^)
> 
> \----
> 
> [Variations on Canon - arranged by George Winston]  
> ♡♡♡♡ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kllZlF6mB2s


End file.
